poetry and pros

The truths about suicide

  1. You are not alone.
  2.  You won't always feel this much pain.
  3. Most people who die by suicide do not want to die, they want their pain to end.
  4. Suicide is the "Perfect Storm event" of multiple difficulties exacerbated by depression in a persons life.
  5. You can not prevent what you can not predict.
  6. You can choose how to face this journey.  Start the day thinking about things you are grateful for.  The good things in life.
  7. What you tell yourself about the death matters.
  8. You can get through this.
  9. Love never dies.

 By Kim Ruocco

things to say after a death

This is a list of better responses when you are faced with not being sure on what to say when someone looses a loved one.

Follow any of these with what you loved most about the deceased or tell a story about a favorite memory of them.  I think most people will be pleased with the deep level of connection that's instantly created.  I'm absolutely certain the bereft will feel less isolated and better supported.

  1. I'm sorry you're suffering right now, but I'm here with you and willing to help any way I can.  Is there anything you need right now?

  2. I'm sorry for whatever challenges might lie ahead for you, but I'm here and willing to help.  Would it be okay if I call next week just to check in with you?

  3. Please accept my deepest condolences.  I can't imagine what you must be going through right now, but I know enough about grief to know that it can be very challenging.  Don't hesitate to call me if there's anything I can do to help.

  4. I'm so sorry to hear about __________.  I'm sure you're going to miss him/her terribly.  How are you holding up?

  5. I know there's nothing I can say right now to make things better, but I also know that having someone to talk to at times like this is really important, so don't hesitate to call me whenever you need to.


If we are fortunate,
we are given a warning.

If not,
there is only the sudden horror,
the wrench of being torn apart;
of being reminded
that nothing is permanent,
not even the ones we love,
the ones our lives revolve around.

Life is a fragile affair.
We are all dancing
on the edge of a precipice,
a dizzying cliff so high
we can't see the bottom.

One by one,
we lose those we love most
into the dark ravine.

So we must cherish them
without reservation.
This minute.
We will lose them
or they will lose us
This is certain.
There is not time for bickering.
And their loss
will leave a great pit in our hearts;
a pit we struggle to avoid
during the day
and fall into at night.

unable to accept this loss,
unable to determine
the worth of life without them,
jump into that black pit
spiritually or physically,
hoping to find them there.

And some survive
the shock,
the denial,
the horror,
the bargaining,
the barren, empty aching,
the unanswered prayers,
the sleepless nights
when their breath is crushed
under the weight of silence
and all that it means.

Somehow, some survive all that and,
like a flower opening after a storm,
they slowly begin to remember
the one they lost
in a different way...

The laughter,
the irrepressible spirit,
the generous heart,
the way their smile made them feel,
the encouragement they gave
even as their own dreams were dying.

And in time, they fill the pit
with other memories
the only memories that really matter.

We will still cry.
We will always cry.
But with loving reflection
more than hopeless longing.

And that is how we survive,
That is how the story should end.
That is how they would want it to be.

Mark Rickerby (c) 2011